What We Keep

This post might be a sort of weird concept for some people.  And, I'm okay with that.  If it's not your thing, move on and come back later for a recipe or design tip!  But, I think it's something that is important to talk about, so I'm going to!  Sometimes it's okay to keep things that don't bring us joy.  That's right, I said it.  For all of you out there reading books on organization, simplifying your life, purging your space.  Hold up!  Don't get me wrong, I love an organized home!  And, I'm not suggesting you become a hoarder, please don't!  But, there are times that holding onto something that does not bring you joy, is okay!

I was cleaning up my room today and I ran across a tiny piece of purple velcro I had tucked away under my jewelry box.  Seems like a silly thing to keep, right?  Did it bring me joy?  No, obviously I don't plan to use it for anything, I mean what could you use a small piece of one sided purple velcro for anyway??  But as I went to throw it out, something in my soul hesitated and I decided it was okay to hold onto that velcro.  Because that small scrap reminded me of a time when I had to be tougher than I had ever been.  Let me tell you what I mean...

I have three daughters, but the road to get there wasn't easy.  I was not the person who planned, went off the pill and two months later was pregnant.  My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage almost the same time I realized I was pregnant.  After I had my first baby, when we were ready to try for a second, it took almost a year to get pregnant.  I miscarried again when my second daughter was 10 months old, and then had a missed miscarriage four years later.  So when my third daughter was born, I knew she was my last and my biggest blessing.  Finding out she had hip dysplasia, was really hard for me.  I had all these plans of breast feeding, cloth diapering, and dressing her in the sweetest clothes.  We had a swing and a bumbo, a bouncy seat and a bassinet...

Letting go of expectations was hard, but what was harder was the actual process of correcting the dysplasia.  She was fitted for a Pavlik harness at 5 1/2 weeks old.  At first, I thought she would only be in it for 6 weeks, but that was just a misunderstanding and lack of proper explanation on the doctor's part.  The truth was, she was in the harness for almost 7 months.  For the first six weeks, I could not take it off to bathe her, and had to change her diaper around it.  I lived in fear of poop leaking out of her diaper and getting the harness dirty.  My baby also had reflux issues, so I used bibs and went through so many burp cloths... Cloth diapers leaked occasionally, so I couldn't even use them.  Her sweet newborn skin became raw from the straps and the velcro scratched my chest every I breast fed her from the one breast she would take, in a sitting up position.  That one small scrap of purple velcro was something my best friend gave to me to put over one of her exposed velcro straps so my raw skin wasn't being scratched off any more.

That one small piece of velcro.  Does it bring me joy to look at?  Not really.  But you know what?  It makes me proud of myself.  It makes me think about giving up cloth diapers, living with one saggy deflated boob and one giant leaky boob.  It makes me remember selling a swing we never used, and ultrasounds on hips.  It makes me think of sleepless nights, spit up, tears and frustration. And, it makes me think about how tough I had to be and how strong I was.  It makes me proud of myself.

So when you are purging and organizing and you come across something you have a hard time giving up, it's okay to own that.  To feel a connection to something.  To keep a memento that my not bring you joy, but may bring you something even more powerful.

Just my two cents...