The One Thing That Stays Consistant {A Parenting Piece}

I have found, when parenting, there is one thing that always stays consistent.  Poop.  That's right folks, I said poop.  Let's face it, once you become a parent, it's All about that poop.  Here's what I mean...

You have a newborn baby.  She is perfect, beautiful, the new love of your life.  You can't imagine loving anything more.  As soon as the nurses take her away and clean her, they put a cute little newborn diaper on her.  Within minutes-hours the poop begins.  During the first few months you attempt to staunch the flow of poop as you change diaper after diaper.  You experience "bow outs" and realize that sometimes it's easier cut the onesie off with scissors rather than attempt to take it off over her head. When she doesn't poop for a day or two, you call the advice nurse, try bicycle legs, warm baths, pear juice... When she finally goes, you don't even mind that a little, or a lot, got on your shirt.

After about six months, you begin to introduce solids.  Sweet potatoes, green beans, carrots, bananas... Wow, does the poop change then.  Did you even know poop could be that color?  Then there is the inevitable eating of something that changes the poop to a scary color and you rush off to the pediatrician thinking your young child has contacted Ebola or some other ungodly third world disease, and you are a wreck until the doctor calmly smiles and says, it looks like she ate a crayon to me.  You're so relived to hear that your child will live and anxiously await the next perfect poop to grace her little diaper.

Eventually your little one is old enough to begin pooping on a toilet.  She has her own perfect little potty that singes "You did it, you did it, you did it!  Yay!" Your day becomes all about getting her to poop on the potty.  Bribing her with M&M's and clapping like a lunatic in the bathroom stall at Target. She finally gets the concept of where she's supposed to poop, but wiping, that's another story... There you are, sitting at the dining room table with a few other mom's, catching up on the latest bit of gossip, when your darling screams down the hallway "Mom, I pooped.  I pooped!  I POOPED!  Wipe me!" Dammit, she was just getting to the good part, you think, as you march down the hall, wipe a tushie and have an argument about washing hands. You miss the gossip entirely.  This phase goes on until about preschool.

Then comes the poop humor.  Does it make sense? No.  Is it really funny? No.  But for some reason, your kid will crack up laughing anytime someone says poop.  "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Poop" Baahahhahahhah.  Really?  Poopy booty, poop poop poop.

My kids are 6 and 3.  It's still all about the POOP.

I hope you can take this with a little bit of humor.  After all, it's easier to laugh about this crap than to cry.